The dreams of our heart

The speaker at the Chaplains retreat I recently attended asked this question...

What would your life be like if you realised your dreams?

In other words what would life be like if we lived our dreams?

And it got me thinking...Well what would it actually be like? First of all I had to let myself acknowledge what my dreams actually are. This was really hard to do. The thought that kept rolling around in my head was ‘I don’t feel worthy of my dreams being fulfilled.’
Now don’t be all ‘awwww Bec don’t be like that blah blah blah’ and rattle off some nice sayings that (if we were all honest) make no one feel better.

I’m just trying to be honest here, that’s truly how I feel. In the grand scheme of things I still don’t feel worthy of God. I believe with all my heart that Jesus died for my sins and that I am loved by God but I struggle with my worthiness of this love. And because of that I struggle with the feelings that my dreams in life aren’t worth anything and aren’t worth fulfilment.
So this blog is the out working of my thoughts so far on the matter.

Here’s the list I came up with when I allowed myself to dream in my heart.
· To be loved and thought of
· Marriage and babies
· To find my place at school and be the best chaplain the school can have
· I want to further my study
· To ‘be’ with God
· To lose 50kgs (again)
· To serve at church and lead people in meaningful worship

Now there’s nothing in that list that is too much to ask right? A while ago I decided that no one was ever going to want to marry me and that my dream to have my own children was never going to be realised and that I should enjoy my friends babies and shower them with love. But that doesn’t work cos a decision made with your head doesn’t change the desires of your heart. And so that’s where the previous blog about Gods timing came from. I prayed that God would take my dreams of having children away but they only increased along with all my other dreams and here I find myself now writing this blog.

I’m pretty logical when it comes to the bible at times. At Bible College I was taught exegetical principles to go beyond the surface of the scriptures. And so I’ve decided to do just that with the verses that speak of God supplying our needs and granting our prayers and the dreams of our heart.
And I really am ok with this whole baby thing...I live by the saying that ‘what Gods got planned for my life is far and away better than anything I could ever plan’ and it has so far proved very true and so I have to rest in that...thats hard at times though!!!